Evolve into a New version of Yourself.

Life is a process of continuous change. It is made up of micromovements both consciously and also unconsciously. Unconsciously we live in a web of patterns and beliefs, in which we use to adapt in our world in order to survive.

“In order to transform,  to experience life differently we need to take a deep dive into these micromovements.

This increase in awareness brings you to a more in-depth understanding of who you really are, why you feel as you do bringing you closer to understanding how  your behaviour is nothing more than many mechanisms that you have learnt in order to cope, but many beliefs  are learnt at a very early when we were totally powerless.  This space can bring a new perspective to your awareness where you realise that these beliefs that are ingrained in your .make-up,  are not truly YOU but of you… this therapeutic space allows you to unpeal these beliefs takiing you back to your authentic self.

Self transformation can be a long process,  some lose patience with it, or find it easier to believe they are doomed.  Playing the ‘role of victim’ leaves you stranded in the powerless pit,  bitter and resentful towards others and the world.

Transformation takes work, it means really getting into your beliefs and making changes, intentional changes slowly  exploring if your beliefs still serve you. 

Stevens wrote ” If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting” (The Lies about Truth).

Your self concept and self worth underpin the process of transformation, and often you need to get to the core to make change possible. Now all this needs time, compassion and care, but do we have time? Or are we all caught up in a messy routine never managing to pause.  Are we conscious that we have completey abandoned our very own self?

Many are caught up in their stressful lives, preferring to ‘make believe’ it’s NORMAL.

One would ask  ‘Everyone is stressed no? It’s normal.’  

No it is not normal.  It’s popular but no, not normal. 

So much so that too much of it in small daily does, goes unoticed and we end up accumulating it  till finally it makes us unwell, very unwell.  Why? Because while nature tells us to slow down, humanity tells us to up with the pace, raising our  stress levels.  One  clear example is our phones, we are constantly on line/on call, we have become unable to unplug even for a minute. Technology has sucked up all our attention that everything else now feels tedious and our physical and mental signs go unoticed.

Raising our stress levels is going against our very own nature.

Addiction and More

When we hear the word  addiction we immediately  think about drugs, crack, heroin, marijuana, LSD and so on…. but,

As Gabor wrote, “addiction is any behavior that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long term causes harm, has some negative consequences and you can’t give it up, despite those negative consequences”. 

So addiction goes far beyond our common understanding.  It is time we wake up and treat addiction for what it is and not soley how it is manifested in our behaviours. 

Some addictions are criminalzed,  others  are tolerated while others are even praised but they can ALL provide a fleeting experience of relief . All ultimately have the ability to destroy lives.

The  Life we Live

Life for many is fast paced.  We live like we are an engine component in an electronically managed motor.  Like part of a larger engine… Not only is it fast paced,  it is repetitive. For some it is experienced as addicitive,  for some it is experienced as a honour, a  status,  and for some,  busyness is related to self-worth, providing a superficial sense of being  successful.

Work, emails, texts, phone calls, never ending to do lists, children, chores, social platforms, cooking, cleaning, talking, shopping, thinking, driving, scrolling, etc.,

These distractions often absorb us, taking us far away from simply being… being human.  We are left without any space to check in on ourselves and see how we are feeling, and feelings do not go away and when left unattended may grow into something more, usually more pounding, more urgent. We have unconscioulsy learnt how to ignore our gut, our bodies,  our intuition, and get totally lost in our thoughts.

Then comes illness… migraine, stomach problems, chest pain, stomach acidity, increased heart rate, high blood pressure, restlessness, difficulty remembering, resentments, anger, loss of apetite, anxiety, excessive worry, sleepless nights, obssesive thinking, sadness, depression,  addictions, the list is endless.

In some cases, a crises might bring change, but for some even that is not enough.

‘The doctor told me to rest for 2 weeks but I have to get back to work’.

We tend to BELIEVE our illness  is ONLY PHYSICAL.  Something that happened to me, not with my doing, just mere bad luck…. It heals (physically) and we are back on the same robotic, repetitive lifestyle we had before, never even thinking that it is the very MINDSET that is contributing to our decay.

We can not deny the fact that the body and the mind are connected. How we think can directly affect how we feel physically, and how we feel physically can directly affect how we think and feel mentally.

“The mind and body are in constant communication with one another, ‘ like parallel universes. Anything that happens in the mental universe must leave tracks in the physical one.” 

Deepak Chopra

What happens next?

We get into the oblivious state of  continuously seeking out external sources of fleeting relief.

We have now become robotic and repetitive.

‘I can’t, Im working’

‘ I haven’t eaten all day,  too busy’

Exercise? I don’t have time!

‘ I haven’t stopped to pee yet, too many emails’

‘I have no time to cook, I usually buy take outs’

Rest? Imagine that!

Self – care is not popular, is not talked about, is not encouraged.  Self  care is important, is not selfish and it is necessary.

Beliefs that may be outdated.

I can’t say NO, I feel guilty.

I could never do that. I don’t believe in myself,

I’m always doubting myself, I am full of fear

I have low self esteem

I am shy

I am searching for happiness

I need to fnd a partner to feel complete. 

I prefer not to voice my opinion as I might upset someone

I am unloved

I am not good enough.

I can’t

No one is born believing that they are not good enough, you have to learn that.

And that is the good news, you learnt it. Now it is time to unlearn and relearn something more nourishing.

Dilemma 

At a very young age we could experience

No no – you have to eat everything otherwise mummy doesn’t love you! 

Statements like these can send us into our early dilemmas. What do I do?

Shall I please my mother (although I am not hungry or do not like the food and force myself to eat)

or

Shall I risk my mother reducing her love towards me, 

(that might feels too scary considering my fragile age, considering she is the onyl person who feeds me)

So ‘common sense’ might lead me to supress my needs over my mothers

Another example:

No way I am not telling my mother it would worry her sick.

I have learnt to supress my needs and instead care to keep my mother’s anxieties at bay. 

This formula, this way of being often becomes a blueprint of how we relate to ourselves and others for the rest of our life course.  Always and foreveraccomodating others and suppressing our needs.

Keeping up Appearances.

So far away from ourselves but yet so close.

“We’re high on the adrenaline of feeling, even though we know it’s fleeting and evanescence. And we’re getting worse — checking texts and emails and Facebook every five minutes, always searching for that next hit of feeling, that next morsel of approval.”

D. Meyler

We have now, more than ever before become more and more invested in seeking external acknowledgement, validation, approval, recognition, praise. 

We have become more concerned of how people perceive us that how we perceve ourselves, even if we don’t know those people.

Mental health and Well being.

“Wellness is the complete integration of body, mind, and spirit – the realization that everything we do, think, feel, and believe has an effect on our state of well-being.” 

Greg Anderson

Unfortunately today we talk about our mental distress like it is part and parcel of every day life. The abnormal has now been normalised.

What are the pitfalls of all this? Well many people  end up feeling unloved, unseen and unheard, disconnected not only from others, but from themselves too. 

With no where to turn to we believe we have no choice but to normalise our discomforts, anxieties and stress and  suppress our pains, fears and anger. 

External and Internal

Ultimately it is about how our internal world functions in our external world and how the external world affects our internal world. Life is all about aligning the inner and the outer, the mind (and soul) and the body,  and giving full attention to both, because the truth is they are one of the same thing. 

We all know that ignoring our internal environment eventually catches up with us.  

How do we heal ourselves when we are caught up on this hamster wheel, never having enough and always wanting more, moving us further and further away from ourselves.

 “There is nothing permanent except change” 

(Heraclitus, a Greek Philosopher, about 2500 years ago).

Attachment 

“Things are as they are—we suffer because we imagined different.”
– Rachel Wolchin

Let us define attachment as the relationship I have with something or someone, a very important aspect in our relational lives. Let us not deny that as humans we experience suffering and grief when we lose someone dear to us.  Let us also not deny that we live in a culture that finds it extremely difficult to handle emotions – especially those wrapped around loss and death. We live in a culture that doesn’t acknowledge the reality of death, let alone talk about it and the emotions it brings.  

But as humans we need to share and become more familiar with the truth of impermanence, with constant change. 

The way we have learnt to attach comes with expectations and disappointments, engulfed in fear, suffering, pain and  grief. 

The pain we go through when the very thing we crave for but can not have or the very thing we depend on is taken away from us. 

How do we re-set our minds to the fact that everything is fleeting, temporarily, not forever, and yet sustain our well being  in life.

How do we find a better understanding and meaning in this fleeting life? How do we come to trust life enough to show us the way?

Healing and Transformation.

 Is it possible to heal and transform?

Counselling is about putting yourself in a safe space

taking time out for yourself, 

investing in digging out  your true ‘self’

re learning how to better hold your old ‘self’

coming up close and personal with who you truly are

realigning  yourself with your truth

investing in living an authentic life

exploring your beliefs system to check if that hold truth.

In this safe space we explore healthier ways of being, without judgement and with loads of compassion

A supportive space where you can challenge your old   patterns and feel empowered  to reconstruct a healthier and more balanced humane way of being.

This safe space, which is sacred and transformative is concerned  with the unique personal meaning you yourself give to who you are and how you experience your life  rather than simply adjusting to your symptoms.  It is about turning your pains and wounds into wisdom. A space to clear away any conditioned psychological illusions that contribute to your suffering, distress and  disconnection and  support you to create a more compassionate relationship with yourself, others and the world.

“Letting go is the willingness to change your beliefs in order to bring more peace and joy into your life instead of holding onto beliefs that bring pain and suffering.”
– Hal Tipper

Feel, reveal, heal….