ADDICTION
Chemical substances work at a deep level of psychic functioning, blurring the boundaries in the inner world.
Splits are abolished, the fragmented worlds become merged.
Once someone has experienced this sense of wholeness, they may well want to experience it again and again.
The wholeness that comes with intoxication is just an illusory wholeness with a numinous power which dissolves when one sobers up.
So the search to repeat the experience begins, and it is not one that is readily given up.
Carl Jung
From 1997 to 2021 I have managed various Units in one of the two major drug addiction rehabs in Malta.
Over the years I have met with thousands of people battling with addiction and listened to their stories, some I met in rehab, some in prison cells, some in psychiatric wards, others on the streets, others we lost.
It is high time we move away from understanding addiction in simplistic views, or merely as a clinical case.
Our current focus on understanding addiction is merely to find alternative ways of filling the void. We have a tendency of supporting them to remove the drugs and find healthier ways of filling their time with many ‘to do’ things or activities.
Sure, it is a step forward, I can not deny that, but is it enough? Are we ready to actually delve into these voids/dark spaces and find out really and truly what they are instead of constantly making an effort to cover them, denying them like they don’t exist.
“In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,” (Mate, 2008) emphasizes the importance of viewing addiction not just from a clinical or moral view but from a complex human experience that is interwined with deep emotional pain and trauma.
Dr. Mate’s insight has deeply resonated with my experiences , both as a professional in the addiction field but more importantly in my own personal journey of recovery.
With these reflections, the concept of addiction expanded into many other problematic behaviours, that usually go unnoticed, unseen, denied or merely misunderstood.
Behaviours that are more socially accepted but that are nevertheless still moving us further and further away from our true authentic self. We have become lost and disconnected, not only to ourselves but of course, also to others. And to make matters worse, we don’t even know it.
For example many people fill their voids with work, excessive excercise, food, shopping, pornography, the list is endless. We add value to our lives by relying soley on external validation. This in turn brings us to an oblivious state of accomodating our environment instead of ourselves. This stems from childhood trauma.
We fail to come to terms that we are stuck on a ‘hanster wheel’ always doing and accomodating others while creating a life for ourselves that just does not add up to health and wellbeing.
We have come to a point where, if you look closely, you can notice how many of us are alienated from how we truly feel. Some of us can not bear the idea to sit quietly, to stop, to rest…. for a moment, they have been distracted for so long now, the thought of stopping even if for a moment hightens their anxiety.
In one way or another most of us have unconsciously moved far from our authentic self. We have become a toxic society that strives off external consumerism and validation.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
“That’s basically it. Feeling alienated within the system: a system that demeans people, marginalizes them, exploits them, and creates a situation in which our value depends only on our capacity to consume.”
Glover
Why do people feel the way they do? Are peple even aware of how they feel or are we all just living in our hedas, in our thoughts? What concept do they hold of themselves? What relationship do they hold with their emotions, with their pain? How do they react to their pains? How do they show up in the world? Is [drug] addiction a mere coping mechanism? And if it is, what is it that we finding so difficult to cope with? Is it a sense of not fitting in, of not being good enough, is it anger, fear, frustration, loss, boredom, loneliness, a lack of a sense of belonging, a yearning to fit in, to be accepted, to be heard, to be seen, to be loved…..validated and acknowledged, the list is endless really.
Self care is rare. We are now programmed to ‘naturally’ deny the self, and get on with it. We are praised when we drop our boundaries and work our asses off, and excel, and succeed, because that is what gets us praise and validation, and we can never get enough of it.
It looks like our awareness has been ‘highjacked’, we end up living with no lasting inner true satisfaction and joy.
We have truly become our very own enemy. Above all that we also hold negative views of ourselves, we have become obsessed with how other people perceive us, we project on others what we think they want to hear, even if it means lying to ourselves, we put up a facade to keep up appearances, we live in oblivion, in a routine, day in, day out.
Many today are unconscously craving some relief, even if it is for a fleeting moment, from the reality they find themselves in.
Addiction, be to drugs, food, alcohol, porn, etc., is always a compensation for the sense of being devalued as a human being.
The cost of not tuning into ourselves leads us to stress and anxiety, depression, insomnia, burnout, stomach upset, autoimmune diseases, fatigue, high blood pressure, to mention a few.
With the way our lives are structured we now find no time to pause and listen to our bodies’ needs. It becomes unthinkable to pause and rest especially if our brains are wired up to believe the story that ‘we are not good enough’. If we are not productive than we have wasted a day.
In a culture that idolizes doing more, acquiring more, being more, we may find it uncomfrotable to pause. We are conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our level of productivity and achievement.
True, but we need to always be mindful that although life is fast our bodies still hold the same structure like other people who lived their lives 50 years ago. You don’t get special extra energy, or a set of two hearts just because the speed of the ‘threadmill’ is now moving much faster, you can only tired yourself down to burnout.
We need to (re) learn how to give ourselves persmission to step out of our heads and into our bodies. We need to become mindfull and live with intention. We need to let go of ‘shoulds‘ and ‘musts‘ and attend to our true selves in a loving and compassionate way. We all know that ultimately ‘there is always more to get done in our day’. It gets tiring continuously pretending that all is well, that we have it all sorted out. It gets tiring lying to ourselves and others. We have learnt from such a younng age to wear masks and cover up how we feel that we have now become unrecognizable even to ourselves.
We find ourselves yearning for a space where we can be seen and heard without these masks, a space where we can simply be ourselves, without being criticized and judged.
I learned to be with myself rather than avoiding myself with limiting habits; I started to be aware of my feelings more, rather than numb them.
Judith Wrigh
From 1997 to 2021 I have managed various Units in one of the three major drug addiction rehabilitation centres in Malta.
Often we understand addiction in a mediocre way, in simplistic views, or merely as a clinical case.
We tend to focus on merely finding alternative ways of fulfilling these voids.
“ADDICTION begins with the jope that something ‘out there’ can instantly fill up the emptiness inside”
Jean Kilbourne
Finding other ways to fill the voids is useful but not enough, especially if all we are doing is once again covering, surpressing, denying them like they don’t exist, only for them to re-appear at a later phase in our life.
“In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,” (Mate, 2008) emphasizes the importance of viewing addiction as a complex human experience that is interwined with deep emotional pain and trauma. Some use drugs and alcohol to cope with that trauma, but let us not fool ourselves, there are many many more vices/behaviours we use to supress our emotions and our pain. To leave our realities. Why is your reality so heavy to carry, to live to experience?
Why so much discomfort and pain?If [drug] addiction is just merely a coping mechanism, what is it that we are finding so difficult to cope with? Is it a sense of not fitting in, of not knowing how to say No, of not being good enough, is it anger, fear, frustration, loss, boredom, loneliness, is it a lack of a sense of belonging, a yearning to fit in, to be accepted, to be heard, to be seen, to be loved…..validated and acknowledged, the list is endless really.
Dr. Mate’s insight has deeply resonated with my experiences, both as a professional but more importantly in my own personal journey of recovery.
Throughout the years I have found myself becoming more and more curious and it was during my studies that I came across some brilliant experts in the filed of trauma and addiction, one of which was Dr. Gabor Mate.
With these reflections, the concept of addiction expanded into many other problematic behaviours, that usually go unnoticed, unseen, denied or merely misunderstood. Behaviours that, unlike drugs are socially accepted but that are nevertheless still moving us further and further away from our true authentic self, our supressed self. We have become lost and disconnected, not only to ourselves but also to others. And to make matters worse, we don’t even know it.
For example many people fill their voids with work, excessive excercise, food, shopping, pornography, TikTok, Neflix, the list is endless.
“What keeps the so-called consumer society going is the fact that trying to find yourself through things doesn’t work. The ego satisfaction is short-lived and so you keep looking for more and keep buying and consuming.”
We have now managed to make the normal abnormal where we add value to our lives by relying only on external acknowledgement and validation. We end up living like there is nothing within and that all our existence lies only in our external envronment. This in turn brings us to an oblivious state of accomodating our environment instead of ourselves. We have become a toxic society that strives off external consumerism and validation.
Many are now stuck on a ‘hamster wheel’ spinning away, always doing and being productive, while at the same time creating a life for ourselves that just does not add up to a sense of happiness, health and wellbeing.
Some can not bear the idea of sitting quietly, stopping, paurinsg, resting… for a moment. We have not been programmed to find balance in life, we have been programmed to be successful, productive and that resting is ‘ a waste of time’.
“That’s basically it. Feeling alienated within the system: a system that demeans people, marginalizes them, exploits them, and creates a situation in which our value depends only on our capacity to consume.”
Glover
Are you mindful and aware of how you feel or are you just living in your head, in your thoughts? What concept do you hold of yourself, of your life? Are you happy? What relationship do you hold with your emotions, with your pain, with your joys? How do you show up in the world? What are your fears, what holds you back and limits your life?
Self care is rare. We ‘naturally’ deny the self, the body, and get on with it. We are praised when we drop our boundaries and work our asses off, and excel, and succeed, because that is what is expected from us, it brings us acknowledgement, praise and validation, and we can never get enough of that. Many social platforms today have supported us to excel our cravings with external validation.
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
Carl Jung
We all want to be acknowledged and belong and many platforms today have become the only stage for fulfilling these needs. It is like receiving a virtual high-five from others, without the slightest care if we are recognised by our close friends or strangers, we just count our likes and adjust ourselves according to the amount of likes or high – fives we receives and not from the common sense of it.
We have truly become our very own enemy.
Above all that, or rather beneath all that, we often hold very negative views of ourselves, we have become obsessed with how other people perceive us and project on others what we think they want to hear or see even if it means lying to ourselves, we have become very good at putting up a facade and keeping up appearances. Now isn’t that tiring?
Many today are consciously and unconscously craving for some relief, a space to ‘just be myself’ even if it is for a fleeting moment, from the reality they find themselves in.
Addiction, be it to drugs, food, alcohol, porn, etc., is always a compensation for the sense of being devalued as a human being.
The cost of not tuning into ourselves leads us to accumulate despair, stress, anxiety, depression, insomnia, burnout, stomach upset, migraine, autoimmune diseases, inflammation, fatigue, high blood pressure, to mention a few.
With the way our lives are structured we now find no time to pause and listen to our bodies’ needs. It becomes unthinkable to rest especially if our brains are wired up to believe the story that ‘we are not good enough’. If we are not productive than we have wasted a day.
In a culture that idolizes doing more, acquiring more, being more, we may find it very challneging and uncomfrotable to pause and attend to our needs. We are conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our level of productivity even if it costs us our health.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Jiddu Krishnamurit
We need to (re) learn how to give ourselves persmission to step out of our heads and into our bodies. We need to become mindfull and live with intention. We need to let go of ‘shoulds‘ and ‘musts‘ and attend to our true selves in a loving and compassionate way. We all know that ultimately ‘there is always more to get done in our day’. It gets tiring continuously pretending that all is well, that we have it all sorted out. It gets tiring lying to ourselves and others.
We have learnt from such a young age to wear masks and cover up how we feel (especially if those feelings are socially perceived as negative), that we have now become unrecognizable even to ourselves.
We find ourselves yearning for a space where we can be seen and heard without these masks, a space where we can simply be ourselves, without being criticized and judged.
We need a space where we can come up and personal with ourselves.
We need a place we can call home.
I learned to be with myself rather than avoiding myself with limiting habits; I started to be aware of my feelings more, rather than numb them.
Judith Wright
Your Inner Journey Begins Here
Take a moment to heal your mind, body and heart.